by Stefanie Faye
Science-based strategies to enhance resilience, self-regulation, learning and innovation by focusing on mindset, relationship, biofeedback and psychological safety.
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Publishing Since
4/16/2019
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March 25, 2025
<br /> <br /> "It's a blessing to be hidden and a disaster not to be found." <br /> - D. W. Winnicott<br /> <br /> <br /> The labels we assign to ourselves or accept from others can drastically influence our self-perception and motivation. The words we hear about us, particularly when we are little - activate neural circuits within us that can become aspects of our Inner Speech. This internal narrative accompanies us at all times and guides our explanations as to why things don’t work out, how we might look at a problem, how we perceive and value ourselves. <br /> Our brains are inherently plastic, continuously rewiring in response to our thoughts and experiences. Internalizing negative labels can lead to repetitive brain activity and not only interprets our internal and external environments, but predicts what will happen - leading to <a href="https://stefaniefaye.com/podcast/how-to-not-repeat-history-neurochemical-identities-and-self-fulfilling-prophecies-mini-episode/">self-fulfilling prophecies</a> that can dramatically stifle and suffocate our growth and potential. <br /> In this podcast, we speak about the process of Recognition and <a href="https://stefaniefaye.com/podcast/neuroscience-of-attachment-deb-macnamara-rest-play-grow/">Attunement</a> as profound healing tools. We also look at the importance of play, improvisation and embracing complexity. We look at the difference between hope and optimism and the role Agency plays in this difference.<br /> <br /> <br /> <a href="https://open.spotify.com/show/0cld1F9SIdKzkgyLTXcwoM" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Listen on Spotify</a><br /> <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mindset-neuroscience-podcast/id1366359821" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Listen on iTunes</a><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Here are a few key highlights (a more extensive article about this episode will be coming soon!<br /> 1 - Recognition is about taking something novel and making it familiar.<br /> To also recognize that part of what's going on for them... has as much or more to do with the injuries of being labeled and treated as a broken thing than it does with the psychiatric issue."<br /> <br /> 2- Attunement - reflects the essence of recognition <br /> Attunement is a deep, empathetic understanding of another person's emotional state - but not mirroring. We are not necessarily moving into the same state as the other person. It reflects the essence that 'my behavior towards you and my care for you has a message of recognition in it.<br /> <br /> 3 - Hope isn't optimism... <br /> Hope is the thing you do that drives you to the thing you yearn for through <a href="https://stefaniefaye.com/podcast/uncertain-the-science-and-wisdom-of-being-unsure-season-4-ep-4/">uncertainty</a>. You can't get people to hope, what you can get them to do is to have more faith in themselves. Dr. Ellenhorn also discusses the "fear of hope," where people become fearful of hoping for change because of how much disappointment they have experienced in the past. This fear can become a significant barrier to progress, and can trap people into a cycle of self-preservation (which takes many forms). We look at how self-efficacy, perceived ability to cope and a sense of agency, can help people overcome this fear and navigate the uncertainties of change.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.ellenhorn.com/">Dr. Ellenhorn</a> is a pioneer and leader in the development and promotion of community integration services, types of care that serve and empower individuals diagnosed with psychiatric and/or addiction issues while they remain in their own communities and outside institutional settings.<br /> Trained as a sociologist, psychotherapist and social worker, Ross Ellenhorn, Ph.D., created the first fully operational intensive hospital-diversion and wraparound program in Massachusetts, and went on to establish and lead one of the first public...
March 4, 2025
<br /> <br /> Attachment theory is not a 'theory'.. it's a part of our neurophysiological operating system<br /> It’s a biobehavioral adaptation that helps us regulate ourselves and explore new frontiers. <br /> And attachment is not just a childhood concept. It is something that carries out through our life.<br /> <br /> <br /> In this podcast interview, I speak with <a href="https://macnamara.ca/">Deb MacNamara</a>, a developmental psychologist and author of Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers and Anyone who Acts Like One. Deb is a student of Gordon Neufeld and the <a href="http://neufeldinstitute.org">Neufeld Institute</a>, a pioneer and leader in the field of Attachment science. <br /> As Gordon Neufeld states, <br /> “in a nutshell, everything development wise begins with attachment, whether it's particles that combine into atoms, elements that merge into compounds, seeds that attach by their roots, humans that couple up to make babies, and of course, the attachments of the zygote of the embryo, fetus, baby toddler, growing child, adolescent, and beyond, each a prerequisite for the further unfolding of potential” <br /> As he further explains, everything related to attachment is related to Dependence. <br /> “whether it is a plant attached to the soil, fungus attached to a tree, electrons attached to the atomic nucleus, or our moon attached to the earth, or humans attached to each other”. Survival within our universe relies on the dependence one entity upon another to be taken care of in some way or another. <br /> <br /> <br /> <a href="https://open.spotify.com/show/0cld1F9SIdKzkgyLTXcwoM" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Listen on Spotify</a><br /> <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mindset-neuroscience-podcast/id1366359821" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Listen on iTunes</a><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> A few key concepts emerge from our interview:<br /> <br /> Dependence is not the enemy of independence.<br /> Getting our attachment needs met allows our brain and nervous system to free up its energy for exploration, play and independence.<br /> It’s about satiated attachment. When our true deepest attachment needs are fulfilled with our attachment figures, that is what allows us to become independent.<br /> When those deep needs are not satiated, when that presence and attunement are not there, that is when we go on the hunt. We become seekers constantly of trying to get attachment needs met elsewhere by other circles of people that may never end up being able to be that attachment figure for us, that safe harbor.<br /> <br /> Maturation is spontaneous but not inevitable.<br /> When we allow and cultivate the right conditions, humans expand into their maturity. We can’t force maturity to happen. It is much like a gardener, making the soil fertile for growth and ensuring the conditions are there.<br /> The developmental framework that highlights these conditions for humans to reach their potential is also the title of Deb’s book: Rest, Play Grow.<br /> <br /> Emotional, physiological and relational “rest”. <br /> One aspect of rest is rest from that pursuit and preoccupation for attachment. <br /> Our nervous systems regulate and co regulate according to who we're with, the frequencies and the transmissions of the internal state of the people around us, how attuned they are and responsive to us as well.<br /> What this framework is talking about in terms of this rest from this preoccupation is that we, as whoever we are in our relationships with another, that we find ways to allow for that rest to happen. We're creating some sort of home base or security within our relationships.<br /> As Deb says in her book: “Children are not meant to work for love. They are meant to rest in someone's care so that they can play and grow.” This is why relationships matter. <br /> <br /> The biggest preoccupation for survival is attachment.
February 11, 2025
<br /> <br /> "your brain is editing out what it thinks you should know about and what you shouldn't know about."<br /> -Dr. Allan Hamilton<br /> <br /> <br /> Understanding why we react the way we do, where our patterns come from and how we can show up differently gives us strength, agency and internal safety because it increases our ability to choose... choose our boundaries, our behaviors, our values, our preferences. <br /> Understanding our brains and nervous systems helps us stop repeating behaviors and over and over again that don't lead to the experiences we truly yearn for, particularly when it comes to our relationships and desire for true, authentic connection.<br /> In this episode with <a href="https://allanhamilton.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Dr. Allan Hamilton</a>, we cover many themes, such as what happen to brains in love and after rejection, gender, the effects of video games and social media on bio-behavioral outcomes, and <a href="https://stefaniefaye.com/articles/the-dark-side-of-resilience-and-why-we-need-to-talk-about-trauma/">intergenerational trauma</a>. We also talk about following one’s interests, passions and curiosities - you’ll hear about my beginnings at the age of 6 hosting N-E-R-D radio on my double cassette player 🙂<br /> Learn more about Dr. Hamilton's latest book <a href="https://allanhamilton.com/cerebralentanglements/">Cerebral Entanglements: How the Brain Shapes Our Public and Private Lives</a><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Listen on:<br /> <a href="https://open.spotify.com/show/0cld1F9SIdKzkgyLTXcwoM?si=26b5ecf227584d26" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Spotify</a><br /> <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mindset-neuroscience-podcast/id1366359821" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Apple Podcasts</a><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> What you will hear as a thread that weaves through our conversation is that...<br /> Human connection matters. <br /> Safe, trusting relationships have the capacity to buffer the effects of negative influences that exist in our world.<br /> Dr. Hamilton explains how the hormone oxytocin plays a pivotal role in fostering trust, affection, and deep connections between individuals. This hormone, often referred to as a "bonding hormone," is crucial for nurturing relationships, whether through intimate conversations, warm hugs, or even petting a dog. The research we discuss highlights the importance of how human connection can offer a buffer against life's challenges.<br /> <br /> <br /> We also see in this interview that..<br /> the brain, more than anything, is a predictive system. <br /> It <a href="https://stefaniefaye.com/podcast/season-2-episode-2-your-brains-predictions-and-paradigms/">conserves energy by attempting to predic</a>t - rather than truly understand - what is in front of it. <br /> When information is missing, it fills in the blanks based on its past. It seeks out cues that confirm its predictions and distorts or ignores anything that could contradict what it already predicted to be true.<br /> Because we are generally surrounded by the same people over and over again in the first phases of life, many of the sociobiological signals we experience are repeated enough to build up a strong, predictive dataset for our brain to make calculations about what the ‘world’ is like. But this data set is limited. It’s based on only a few people. From this tiny number of people, it creates a model of how the world is - what it contains for us in terms of human-to-human interaction.<br /> <br /> <br /> The brain deals in long-term, repetitive patterns. <br /> Until we become aware of these patterns and predictions, we may use them so unconsciously and often that we <a href="https://stefaniefaye.com/podcast/how-to-not-repeat-history-neurochemical-identities-and-self-fulfilling-prophecies-mini-episode/">re-create scenarios</a> that return us to our familiar ways of perceiving and inter...
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